greediness kills!


Thoughts From The Throne -Vol 2 Issue 2

Dear Reader,

There have been many attempts, in years past, to categorize the different ways people, um... "muse", and the different types of, um... how do we say this... "musings" that we all doo-doo. Well, the attempts end here. Thanks to our team of undercover bathroom enthusiasts, Bathroom Musings proudly presents...


The Silky:

Freely flowing from its confines, the Silky drapes itself like ribbons in the bowl, a delicate and harmonious balance between liquid and solid.

The Pebblets:

Circular in shape, and heavy in weight, Pebblets tend to cluster at the base of the bowl, much like a rock slide at the base of a mountain.

The Floatee:

Floatees are similar in size and shape to its cousin, the Pebblet (see above), but the extra active ingredient found in them (known as Odious Malodious Gaseousness) causes them to gently bob near the surface of the water.

The Log-O:

Long and thick, and usually a loner, the Log-O's birth is usually accompanied by the rapturous sounds of grunting and straining, although many swear that they hear harps and violins after this one has come and gone.

The Gobstopper:

Hard to pass, this everlasting Gobstopper tends to be gigantic in mass and abnormal in shape, often having three, four, or even five heads attached to one body. Also known as the grand-daddy of all musings, many a man has been made or broken by this one.

The Liquid Hot Magma:

Hot spurts of this near liquid-like substance can cause severe burns to the nether region, and in one documented case, hairs in nearby areas were reportedly singed and smoking.

The Faker:

Loud, noisy, but just full of hot air.

We hope this was helpful to you, as you begin your journey of self exploration.

Fare thee well, dear readers, and until next time - I can, you can, we all think on the can.



Samantha Sham


Thoughts From The Throne -Vol 2 Issue 1

Hello and Happy New Year!

A new year, and a new season of Bathroom Musing. This year, let it be the year of change. Change from old habbits. Change from boring routines. Change from stale ideas and yesterday's thoughts.

This year, let's resolve to make our musing time a little less about and a lot more about fun! Here are some new (and inventive) ways to spice up your personal time:

  • Bored of the same old stale newspapers and magazines? Books on tape! Now you can properly ignore your family's stomach churning knocks and interruptions.
  • Nothing to read but the back of toothpaste tubes? Try a coloring book. But take care - those crayons are slippery.
  • Need something quick and meaningful? Sunday comics are the best when you need a little stimulation for those quick (but powerful) sessions.

When all is said on done - there is really no limit on what you can do when you have to do.

We welcome any letters and suggestions our readers! And the next time we're... um... pondering... we shall endeavor to read your responses! Efficiency at its best!

Fare thee well, dear readers, and until next time - I can, you can, we all think on the can.


Thoughts From The Throne -Vol 1 Issue 3

hello dear readers-

Ah, the day after Thanksgiving. An important day, to be sure, in the history of bathroom musings. There has been a long and fine history on the traditional after-Thanksgiving muse, thanks to the mixing of turkey and ham, stuffing and potato, pumpkin and pie. We celebrate gleefully those Americans that have boldly mused in years past.

1776, George Washington, after celebrating Thanksgiving, mused long and hard on this day. It is from these thoughtful musings, that he led our country into victorious battle against the British, and it is little surprise that he is known as the father of our country.

1939, Franklin D Roosevelt, long known as a very lengthy and thoughtful muser, was particularly so on this day. His accomplishments need no further accolades - need we say more on the US involvement in World War 2?

And the list goes on and on - many great men and women have done many great things after a healthy bout of musing. So dear readers, next time you're spending your time, reflect on those noble men and women who share with us such a fine history of musings. Muse proudly, and know, that when you muse, you muse in good company indeed.

Fare thee well, dear readers,and until next time - I can, you can, we all think on the can.


Thoughts From The Throne -Vol 1 Issue 2

dear, dear readers-

Today's issue deals with a serious topic indeed. Constipation. Millions of people in this world go through life, day in and day out, all bound up and held back. The time has come, my brothers and sisters, to rise up from this tyranny that would keep you down - and free yourselves from the shackles that would bind! Seek release! Milk of Magnesia come cleanse me out!

If you will be FREE,
Fiber is key.
Otherwise the strain,
Could damage your brain.

Yes, the battle is old - the soldiers weary. But let's not forget that at the end of the road, there is relief. Muscle relaxing, toe numbing, steam rising relief. The kind that'll shake the stall next to you and have your co-workers fly out of there like a bat out of - well, you know.

Let's not wait until it's crucial - let's take action today. Going to work? Grab a cup of Metamucil. Working out? Wheat germ warms you right up. Having a drink with co-workers? Mineral oil is your friend.

Fare thee well, dear readers, and until next time - I can, you can, we all think on the can.


Thoughts From The Throne -Vol 1 Issue 1

Hello dear friends and family,

Welcome to the first issue of Bathroom Musings - Thoughts From The Throne. You have the esteemed privilege of being the initial subscribers to our semi- quasi-daily/weekly/monthly eMagazine. To begin with, let's give a little introduction and history to what we are and what we do.

We are a literary creation, from the mind of Samantha Sham - created this day, November 8, 2001 as she was ... um... musing... in the bathroom. Our goal is to delve deep into the recesses of the human mind to answer the ageless questions: what do people think about while on the can? And even deeper yet: what does it all mean?

Why? Because the world needs peace and love. Because happiness does not have boundaries and joy should be shared. Because we're bored at our job of eight months and not learning anything new since our job has been cruelly yanked and transplanted to Salt Lake City, Utah and we don't feel like doing any more work than we have to. Because love is a many splendored thing. And mainly, because we can.

Here's our first glimpse into the human psyche - statistics show that in a public bathroom, the last stall is used by the least number of people, with the middle stalls being used the most frequent. Why is this, you ask yourself? Our editor has uncovered the answer! It's because the people in the last stall are usually... um... musing... and thus take a lot LONGER on the can. The longer someone occupies a space, the lesser the amount of people that can use it- or WANT to use it, after someone has been... um...musing.

Fare thee well, readers, until the next issue - I can, you can, we all think on the can.

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